“To Marvel at What Is, While It Still Is”
It’s been almost two weeks since we’ve been back in SF after visiting my mom, and it’s been Summer as I planned. Meaning I’ve been deep in with my kids. The goodness of it is making me see something new about my future tripping mind. I can see my mind was anticipating experiences of difficulty I’ve had in earlier times with my kids, and that has not been the case this month. The point being it’s amazing and freeing to continue to see the overlay of suffering the mind can put on almost anything?! And when that is seen through, life is miraculously full. I’m not saying I won’t or don’t have difficulty with them. I’m saying future tripping about the imagined difficulty is a type of suffering I can prevent! Or at the very least notice my mind is doing it, not something outside. I’m saying the imagined difficulty can prevent me from seeing the lack of difficulty in the moment.
Yesterday afternoon the kids were fighting a lot and we were home most of it. I kept doing these ineffective things to get them to stop, not really stopping all the way to handle it differently. Do you know what I mean?! That space where you just keep saying the same ineffective line, and they’re not even listening, but you don’t fully stop what you are doing and really shift it?! That’s what I did. Annoying! But even in that, there was this part of me that was unphased. Much more at peace about it being “imperfect,” while it was happening. Not detached, but just, oh, here is this! This happens! This kind of afternoon happens!
The gratitude that is overflowing right now arises from being able to (thanks to a god of my understanding) cherish these days as they are happening. The only thing that is required for me to cherish these days as they are happening is one breath, one moment of noticing, over and over and over. But the moments are never the same, so it’s not really over and over! The noticing never feels quite the same! It’s always fresh, always specifically perfectly precisely new.
We’ve been listening to Kate McKinnon’s book series: The Millicent Quibb Etiquette School for Young Ladies of Mad Science. We’ve also been reading it in book form. I’ve mentioned these before but I can’t get over how much I love these books, and my kids do too. Both forms are magic, but her voices in the audiobook are not to be missed. There’s this line that makes me cry, I keep thinking of it: “to marvel at what is, while it still is.”
It’s the protagonist’s discovery of her purpose, and I’m adopting it as mine as well.
What a miracle of forces must align for us to be able to appreciate whatever is happening while it is happening. This is the gratitude — the mystery of grace acting upon my mind every time I can experience appreciation for the moment. Because it feels so difficult to do / let happen sometimes!
Another thing I want to tell you is we went to this place I’d never been, the fitzgerald nature preserve south of sf - TIDE POOLS. The source of all life! The origins of everything! The colors! Mind blown.
There’s so much more but time’s up for now. May this be of use to you!